Heavy Heart

It's been one of those days again. I don't even know where to start because I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself. When we moved into this house my mom and I noticed a odor coming from the gas logs in the fireplace. I shrugged it off to it being there because the pilot was still lit and I know from having a gas cook range in Idaho that it will put off a little odor. Ok, so several weeks have went by and I told Scott the other night that we should just turn the gas off to the fireplace because we probably would not be using it any time soon. So we did just that. When we turned the gas off the odor seemed to become more apparent but again shrugged it off to us messing with it. The next day when Scott came home he said he still smelled a stench when he walked in and went and bought a carbon monoxide/gas detector which we has been using since. Last night I was telling Scott that it took everything I had to get up and get going that day. That I felt like I could just sleep for two days shrugging it off thinking it was just being so overwhelmed lately. Today I was sitting on the couch watching a little tv and I had something telling me to check the gas. I went over and smelled the pipe and oh my did I smell gas. I called the gas company just to see if there should be a slight order and they transferred me to the gas leak hot line. I described everything to the operator and she immediately tells me I need to gather my children and get out of the house. Do not have the phone up after our conversation, just lay it down and she will disconnect. Do not turn on/off any type of power to anything and someone would be arriving at my house in the next thirty minutes. Ten minutes later I am still trying to get everyone ready to go outside because it's a little nippy out there when I hear a knock on the door and it's the gas company. I open the door and there stands a gentleman with a combustible gas odometer and it immediately starts going berserk even before he steps into the house. His first words to me were we have to get the all and the windows and doors open your house is FULL of gas. I immediately send Madison to the back yard with the little ones while I assist the gentleman in airing out the house. He checks the cut off valve to the gas logs and sure enough there is a gas leak, a big gas leak. The guy wound up having to turn off the gas until a plumber gets here to replace the valve. So here I am typing this with frozen tootsies right not, but hey at least I'm here....right! I can not believe what kind of danger we have been living in. I really think that is whats been wrong with me, inhaling all that poison. I was so tired early today but tonight I feel like I've had a weeks worth of sleep from all the craziness. I had not really had time for it to hit me until I went to put Macey to bed. I was rocking her, it was quite, and I total broke down. My heart is weighing heavy. To think what could have come from this makes me nauseous. I feel like there's a purpose of why all these things are happening to me. I'm not sure what it is at the moment. After I put Macey to bed I hit the floor on my hands and knees asking for some guidance. I know God does not give more than we can handle but right now I feel like the devil has been knocking at our door and now has an axe in one hand with the door chopped halfway down. When I opened my blog to type this post a song started playing on my playlist. I have my playlist set on shuffle so it doesn't always start with the same song. Ironically the song that started was, "He'll Do It Again". I add this song to my blog after hearing it my MIL's church the Sunday after we decided we were not going back to Idaho. It tugged on my heart with everything that we were struggling with. And here it is again lifting me up when I need it. If you haven't ever heard the song or haven't listened to it in a while take a moment to, scroll to the bottom of the page and it is number two. I have to go and some how figure out how warm my tootsies up.